Girl Flaking, Brazilian Style

One of my posts that has grown in popularity and comments is the one called “The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Colombian Girls.” I’ve had numerous Colombians themselves comment on the post, including girls from Medellin who confirm exactly what I talk about.

Well, I just went on a romp through Southern Brazil and found some girls down there as well. Let me tell you about one of them…

As a background, I met this girl in a certain Brazilian city. She was visiting there with her friend and seemed like a sweet, cute girl who spoke some English. I made her laugh some, and we talked for maybe 20 minutes. Then she said she was from Brazilian city we’ll call Flora, and I mentioned that I was planning to visit there in a couple of weeks. She got really excited about this and told me to write down her email and phone number so we could stay connected.

We connected on Facebook and here’s the play-by-play. I’ll call the girl Berta. The messages take place over a few weeks while I make my way to her city. (Note: I’ve changed all the proper names, and edited it for sake of brevity. A “…” means words have been left out.)

### Begin Facebook messages. ###

Me: Helloooooo :D

Berta: Hey dear! How r u doing? When r u coming to Flora?… I can help you… I am gonna think about one place [to stay], so I let you know!=D but when you get here, i am gonna take you to good places…

(few days pass…)

Me: Hey Berta, are you back in Flora? That would be awesome if you took me to good places…

Berta: Yes I am here… So we can meet and do a lot of things! Actually, one friend from Italy Is coming next weekend too… So I can bring you to a historical cities near to Flora! Well dear, I am waiting for you!!! Beijos

(few days pass…)

Berta: Heyyyy Ryan! have a good and safe trip to Flora! Let me know when u get here! If u need something my cellphone is *5*3 – *0*9 ! Beijos

(few days pass … the following is from a Wednesday)

Me: Hey Berta! I am here in Flora… Today I tried to go to the park but in the south but it feels like you have to know the bus system to get anywhere… Where are you?

Berta: I am in Jonston, near to Mall do Flora! Well I don’t know anything about bus system, but we can find someone to help you! unfortunately I don’t have so much time during the week, cause I work, but if you want I can take you for a ride in the weekend!!! and also I am free tomorrow at night, we can go somewhere and Friday I will have a party and if you want you can join me!!!

Me: paaaaaarty! sounds great hehe… I’ll just call you tomorrow afternoon, is that cool?

Berta: Ya its!! we can go to a pub, bar, restaurant, whatever you want to!!

(I called her the next day as planned, but she didn’t answer. So I didn’t try to contact her for a few days. Then this happens that Saturday evening…)

Me: Berta! What are you up to?

Berta: Hey dear I am going to Bora’s, in a sertanejo do you wanna go? …

Me: What is sertanejo? My roomates are telling me it’s like country music…

(… she explains what is is…)

Berta: But if you want we can go to Mario. It’s gonna have a house music there! What do you prefer???

Me: We can start at the sertanejo place… Where is it?

(… she gives directions and address…)

Me: Ok I think I can get there by 1130, do you want to just meet there?

Berta: Ok! I just took a shower dear.

(… after 20 mins I get in a taxi, but feel led to check facebook again…)

Berta: Dear, I am leaving now. I changed the plans. I will go to El Rico, it’s in Lupitis.

Me: Ay caramba. I am in a taxi. Lupitis is the road? What is the address?

### End Facebook messages. ###

I got no response from her after that point. Zero.

Not even a “Hey I didn’t see you!” or “Hey sorry about last night” or “Hey are you still in Flora?” type of message.

Not even in the days following. Nothing.

Now, is it just me being a dumb gringo to believe that she would want to meet up with me? Did she not sound excited in the earlier messages? Did she not practically invite me out those nights?

And um… did she not just flake on me while I was in the freakin taxi?

Look I can take a “no,” or a total ignoring of my Facebook messages.

I can also handle if she gives me a cryptic “no,” like “I have a lot of things to do” or “I’m going out with friends tonight” or “I’m under house arrest for the next 2 months” sort of thing.

But this isn’t it any of those. She was giving me all positive signals, and then she balked.

It was a flake. A Brazilian flake.

Now, you ‘dating coaches’, don’t worry, I always take precautions against flaking, i.e. I have other plans that I’m going to do that night, regardless of whether she wants to see me or not. (Yes, in retrospect it’s probably true that she needed to be more “invested” in me in order to want to meetup again.)

And don’t worry, I had a really good time that particular night despite the fact she flaked. A really good time.

I’m just pointing out that the female flakery extends into Brazil, and men should be aware of it.

What you thought was a cute Brazilian chick into you was just some chaff in the wind.




Published August 8, 2012

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  • http://www.gobackpacking.com Dave

    Please don’t tell me Brazilian girls are named “Berta” because that’s the least sexy fake name you could’ve come up with!

    • http://ryangoesabroad.com Ryan

      It was either Berta or Dilma! lol

  • http://blog.travelreportage.com/ Giulia

    I would say girls from any country do that… Sorry guys! :D

    • http://ryangoesabroad.com Ryan

      Your email looks like it’s from Russia… do girls do that there too?

  • http://howlearnspanish.com/ Andrew

    Flakes are present everywhere, I personally consider them to be one of the worst forms of cowards and despise them probably more than you do, it’s just a question of to what extent they’re present and from what I understand they’re present to a much less extent in Brazil than in most of Latin America, e.g. Colombia in particular.

    Cheers,
    Andrew

    • http://ryangoesabroad.com Ryan

      Yeah I’m not a fan of them either… especially when you are in a city where you don’t know anybody. But oh well, gotta roll with what you’re dealt! Nightlife in Brazil is great for that, btw.

  • the reason !

    In latinamerica women has plan A and plan B, latin men has plan A B C and D for the same night, that s why we( latina women) need at least plan A and B, unfortunatly a gringo is most of the time in plan B (for a colombian girl) and the reason is explained to you in the post about colombian Flake.
    Maybe you have to change in the way how you relation with women in latinamerica, – if you act in the same way , you will have the same results, if you change the actions, you change the results- , maybe life is trying to teach you something that you should learn, this is called TIKUN ! google it!
    It s not about avoid the flake it s about recognizing what you are doing wrong.
    By the way , I hate that in latinamerica men have plan A B C D etc, unfortunatly they could do that because it s full of women there, I don t live anymore in Latinamerica, I moved to a country in the other side of the world where men are extremely respectfull and when they make a plan with you, they do it no matter what, I am getting used to have only plan A, but it s difficult hehe, and I am enjoying that there are not too much girls like in america latina hehe.

    • http://ryangoesabroad.com Ryan

      Thanks for the comment.

  • iaiaiou

    hummmm, just read your post and as a Brazilian woman I can say that women all over the world do that. The important thing is to know why. Brazilian women have a huge complex regarding gringos: we simply know that foreigners think we are sluts and easy. And nope. We do not like that. Some girls ignore it. Some girls “flake”, especially if they sense that you are interested on shagging, but not on talking. Some girls take “revenge” and some profit from it. Of course, that’s not the only reason. The Colombian girl that told you about plans A, B, C etc… is right too. So, perhaps, you should analyze your actions and words, before freaking out on other people’s motivations. Maybe she was indeed trying to teach you something.

    • http://ryangoesabroad.com Ryan

      “Maybe she was indeed trying to teach you something.”

      She indeed taught me something: that Brazilian girls can flake on a dime… Your comments make me think you’ve spent time in America.

  • Marinho

    lol yea but this is not just a Brazilian girl thing. I spent 2 months in Rio this past summer and it seems to be a Brazilian thing. People will say something and not come through. But you can’t take it personal. After a couple weeks I caught the hang of it and started doing the same thing to them haha. Also, what worked for me with Rio women, you have to strike as soon as possible. After the first 72 hours if you haven’t really spent time with a girl, move on to the next.

    • http://ryangoesabroad.com Ryan

      Haha, true man… I totally get the 72 hour rule for going after Brazilian girls. Gotta strike fast or get left behind! :)